not that i am in any way in a position to tell you what the focus of your mind [blog, writing, postings ] may be or may not be [especially since my own forays into this form have been less that what make me proud;; in the one hand been a “weird news of the day” and the other “thousand tits bouncing”] ; 

but - reflections on marriage are what drew me to this forum in the first; and what topic most holds my mind now. my navelgazing tendancy to look at what the imaginary creature created between two people is or might be— just way too introspective — too completely unproductive for real, daily life. or the people who see me in it

The days blur by together; 

years are as but a moment, 

but some of those awkward moments-

twist and spin 

[suffering down the mind’s hole 

{making a new reference for 

abstractions of 

< loss > 

< betrayal > 

< eternity > } ] 

only to find the gaze gouging the center  of my soul is none other than blind anger- not knowing what it touches- torching in it’s passing; only afterwards can the path be traced to find what was the problem- what was that all about. what just happened- why was I so lost from what I thought I knew

The same problem Martin Buber i.d’ed half century or so ago; never goes away. it is perennially the barrier that we look across at the other,yet also part of who we see our selves to be; your image of a brick wall is apt;- as such a structure may stand for many years appearing immobile and invulnerable to change - suddenly to fall or envelop a new form; made up of several hard stones or principle- gummed together with much sand or mutual experience- cemented with compromise and continueing to be willing to see if not to change

if we are the wall; the wall changes. One day a tower- the next a bridge. we choose [even {or especially} when we deny the choice] of what direction we place each brick we manage to hold each day. somedays there is no brick. somedays we are the brick. somedays it is all we can do not to despair and pull down many fortnights of our previous vision of careful construction of where the thing should 

go

the wall; at once the wall is the relationship- the solid foundation we build together [or the teetering mass tending toward disaster]

the wall is us- we are our own creation as far as what passes for our mind; in order to see ourselves in the larger context of a togetherness a community [even of two] a higher being or holy creator; we must learn not to notice the wall-  or to understand its shaping and its crookedness to the goal of not pressing where it is weakest

we are at one instant the brick and the builder; 

spent; my words goo the page- my mind an empty tube; toothpaste might be given bad name by my presumption

ya; so as if there wasn’t enough other stuff, we now need to stay out of shallow warm water [cdc recommends holding nose?!! to avoid infection] for fear of deadly amoeba which enters brain through olfactory nerves. Oh- and one dude apparently got hiself infected by putting TAP water in his neti pot. [in Louisiana, only his house was infected… ]  Wtf. maybe Kurt Vonnegut was right when he describe the meaning/purpose of all mankind/earth history/biology/evolution was to produce more deadly microbes 

more; as if you wanted it…

from:

http://www.humenhealth.com/primary-amoebic-meningoencephalitis/primary-amoebic-meningoencephalitis.asp

Meet Naegleria fowleri. A happy, free-living protist that lives in warm fresh water – at least until a very unlucky person dunks their head in it.Naegleria has three stages of its life: a flagellate, and amoeba, and a cyst. In the water, it is in its infectious, flagellate form called a “trophozoite”. It reproduces asexually, and swims around quite happily if the water is fresh and warm (over 75 degrees). If conditions are poor, the little amoeba will encyst, creating a round, hard casing which survives extreme conditions. When conditions become better, it reverts in minutes back to its happy, flagellated self.But, of course, they’re even happier when a person sticks their head under that nice, warm water. The trophozoite swims up the nasal cavity and enters the olfactory mucosa and nasal tissues. At first, this just destroys the person’s olfactory bulbs. But the parasite isn’t done yet – it travels along the nerve fibers through to the brain itself. It sheds its flagellum and switches to its amoeba stage – a slow, single-celled organism that divides like crazy. If returned to the water somehow, it would switch right back to having a flagellum. But in the meantime it divides, creating a colony of amoebas in your brain.Infection with Naegleria causes the disease primary amebic meningoencephalitis. Part of the disease is caused by the parasite’s mere presence and the body’s immune reaction to it. But more of the damage is caused by the amoebas chowing down on the neurons themselves. Naegleria have special surface proteins which act like a chain saw, cutting holes in the neuron’s cellular membranes. The neuron’s contents then spill out, and all the nutrients and proteins are happily slurped up by the waiting amoeba. Other cell-surface proteins of the amoeba allow it to find the most vulnerable areas on the neuron’s outer membrane and, after attacking, detect where the nutrients are so it can move towards them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naegleria_fowleri

http://www.cdc.gov/parasites/naegleria/

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSjBuwuQ_9wwjGBwd8bNNbjqRfsNrFBRmcu86QlRdGwrPzVdhZj

http://www.kensavage.com/archives/naegleria-fowleri-kills/